Monday, July 7, 2014

The One I Look Up To

I was looking at my father this morning and suddenly realized that he's so old now. His face is a little bit pale, and the wrinkles on his face has grown a lot than before. The look of his eyes shows that he's currently thinking about few things. It's so saddening to see him in that condition. However I'm proud of him for being such a dependable father for his family, through the good and tough condition. And also for being such a hard worker man at his retire age. As a daughter, I am really proud of him.

I used to think that he's a cold person with egocentric mindset and honestly, until now, sometimes it feels kinda awkward to be around him because he tends to not to smile and rarely jokes around. But when he starts to talk, he always encourages me to continue study until I get my own PhD title. He gave me tons of advice about life. He said to me, as a woman, I may have to stay at home when I'm marrying someone later. But he said, I can not use marriage as a reason to stop me to join graduate school. He added, I have to always broaden my knowledge, pursuing my career, and have a better life than himself.

Tons of thanks maybe won't enough to repay all the good deeds you've given to me. As a daughter, I'm completely realized that I am far from good. Therefore I would want to say to my dad:
For being such a stubborn daughter, I would like to apologize.
For being such a troublesome daughter, I would like to apologize.
For all those angers, protests, and rebel time, I would like to apologize.
For not replying your question in our conversation, I would like to apologize.
For not obeying your advices, I would like to apologize.

Dear Bapak, I know I may not be able to say this to you face to face. That's why I write this post to say those unsaid words. I don't even know how to react if someday you've read this post and ask me directly. That would be so awkward, I guess. And I hope you wouldn't mind about that.

Dear Bapak, you may not be a perfect human being. You have so many flaws. But in my honest opinion, you deserved to be the one I look up to. 

Dear Bapak, honestly I almost teared up when I write this post and I hate being so sentimental like this. I know you hate it also. For you the one who has been my influence, I would like to say "You've inspired me a lot. Thank you."










Sunday, June 8, 2014

Conflicted Thoughts

I live in grey area. It's not that I'm bad, but I'm not that great either. I tend to be a person in 'standard/default mode'. To be honest, I am a person who often trapped in the middle of stagnancy. I tend to stop and not finishing the things I've been working on if I find it less interesting. I am a person with lack of consistency. There I said it.


I try to change that mindset. I try to manage myself in order to be a better person. And I think the only thing I can do is work harder and (try to) be persistent. But in the end I always ask myself "Will I able to survive with this lack of talent?". That's the mystery.


Someone said to me that actually smart people didn't exist, there is only diligent people with a little bit talent and talented people who has lack of motivation. That person also said to me, brain without discipline is such a waste. What a motivation for me. But....


A sound in my heart says I could survive. The other says I won't.


For you my dearest pals who read this post, shortly after you read I bet you'll think about "what the hell this person doing?" and I guess some of you will think that I'm insane. But I beg for your pardon pals, actually this conflicted thoughts have already hanging on my mind since ages ago and the best thing to do for me is writing all these conflicted thoughts in this blog.


Hopefully I can untangle this tangled rope.



Should I Call It A New Chapter of My Life?

Hiyabadabadoooooo! So glad to be back here after such long hiatus. A bit confused to decide from where do I have to start. Well, starting from mid May, I'm officially working in a new office. I can't call it working actually. Because from mid May until now, all I've done is just adapting, conversing, listening, studying, and not to forget: training (physically).

So, after 3 days of orientation at my new office, finally I came to Rindam Jaya (Resimen Induk Daerah Militer Jaya Jayakarta, TNI AD) in Condet, East Jakarta, on May 23rd in order to be trained by so called bunch of soldiers. I was extremely worried and anxious about what will happen there. Besides, I'm not a person who frequently use a physical on a daily basis. But thank God, all those bad thoughts actually never happened. To be honest, the training I've ever attended in high school was much more frightening than the training I got in Rindam Jaya (except PBB). Maybe it's because of female seniors I've met in high school. You know, women could be extremely scary sometimes. And thank God once again, there's no female trainer in Rindam. One thing for sure, I'm not downgrading the position of woman here. But when I think about how to survive in one week when I was in Rindam, the first thing I beg to God is: please let it be only male trainer there. :p

The first day in Rindam was quite 'fun'. One thing that less fun was meal time. I had to eat a set of lunch and dinner in a big portion. I felt guilty with my same-table-partner because I had to ask them to help me. Surprisingly, I could eat those big portions on the next day till the last day. Hahahaha. Thanks to tummy's remarkable adapting skill. Also hats off to those big portions, I've gained 1 kilo after I left Rindam (triple huftness). The other interesting time on my first day in Rindam was bath time. In each dorm (or we call it barrack there), we only got one big bathroom and all 60 women had to bath together in it with all those chatting, screaming, giggling, and so on. 

Day by day, I've barely managed to adapt with Rindam's cycle of life and there I arrived on the last day. The last day was the heaviest and the funniest of all day I've been through in Rindam Jaya. All physical things from crawling, running, push-up, sit-up, occurred on last day. The funniest things are the 'Jasmani Militer' session and of course the long awaited free time. In 'Jasmani Militer' session, I made it down the hill with only a rope. Such a cool experience for me.  A bit disappointed because there's no flying fox there. But this experience will forever stay in my brain and heart. Trust me.

After orientation days and physical training in Rindam, now I've arrived at the most crucial moment on my days as a Rookie Public Servant. Yup, it's Diklat Prajabatan, filled with so many classes from the first day (June 5th) till 23rd day (June 27th). Please pray for me so I can pass the exam, graduating with excellent score, and throwing away the title 'rookie' and fully working for the Ministry as a Public Servant. :)







Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Feelin' Blur?


Last weekend was definitely a reunion weekend. It was so nice to meet people you used to see frequently in the past. Reminisced about the good old memories and of course snapped so many pics just like the pic above. The pic above actually consists by some blur pics from my phone and (surprisingly) Google Plus combined it as one pic, making it a brand new and cool GIF. It really fascinates me how technology has been contributing a great help for my life. I'm deeply amazed.


Anyway, I'm going to upload lotsa pics and write less story in this post. I hope you wouldn't mind and keep enjoying the photos in this little nest for a mess. :)


A short update about my life: nowadays, my day seems blur just like these photos. To be exact, life gives me nothing but anxiety. I'm currently waiting for a precious announcement that keeps delaying again and again. I'm starting to get tired because of it. Please send me a pocketful of goodie good luck, dear fellas :'(



Saturday, February 22, 2014

A Farewell For A Better Future


No one like farewell. Neither do I. That's what I thought when the day (Friday, January 24th) has come. Although that day was long awaited, still, I couldn't lie that I got mixed-feeling both in my heart and mind. That day become one of the most memorable day in my life. I felt sad and excited at the same time. Sad because I'm no longer able to work with bunch of weird (in a good way) co-workers who made each day of work felt colorful, full of laugh and random (not to mention crazy) behavior. Excited because there's another puzzle awaits me to be done, another challenge that needs to be accomplished ahead.


Still clear in my mind how I first entered Indika FM as an employee in December 17th, 2012. There's nothing I could do in my first day of work except smiling, shaking hands, asking what to do, and how it goes in the office. I think those are the standard of being a newbie, right? I also still remember my first meeting with the other co-workers there. How long we brainstorm in order to get fresh ideas for client. How often we debate to each other about our ideas. How hard we laugh to lame jokes. I still remember it.



Working in a mass media (radio, in particular) was like riding a rollercoaster. The first few months was a bit hard for me. To adapt and to adjust with how fast the regeneration in office got me a bit taken aback. The tight deadline and the never-ending-revision also got me a bit upset. But thankfully, day by day, I managed to overcome those obstacles and I could blend well because Indika FM was more like a college than an office. Thanks to its employees who keep the youth vibe alive. Thanks to them who able to make my life at work just like at home, my second home. It's extremely funny how we did so much mischievous things but we aren't afraid to look childish. We also did so much rebellious things till my boss called me to his workspace and blamed me a lot for not obeying what he said. We fought that day and we didn't talk to each other for 1 week. Hahaha. I won't forget that day. I've done so much silly things in Indika FM than I could do when was in high school, and still get paid. The perks of working in mass media. :p


1 year 1 month with too much unforgettable memories. Therefore, I would like to say:

- Thank you for the teamwork. I would never find other co-workers as funny, as cool, and as witty as you are (you know who you are)!
- Thank you for the knowledge. My broadcast skill have developed a lot..
- Thank you for the curhat and gossip session in canteen, and every corner in the office.
- Thank you for the naughty-to-horror-jokes. Each and every one of you are so humorous.
- Thank you for those free ticket concerts. I finally got to watch Girls Generation, Super Junior, 2PM, Beast, Infinite, and Sistar perform without even paying any single pennies! So delighted! :D
- Thank you for the rebel time. We might be a bit reckless but that's what make our life colorful, right?
- Thank you for giving me bunch of free goodies: so many cool merchandise!
- Thank you for the never ending snack session in the morning and evening time. I gained 3 kilos bcos of it.
- Thank you for the late nite chit chat at 711 and any other cafes.
- Thanks for the surprise and the farewell gift.


 
Now, let's pray for our own better future and who knows we might be able to work together again someday? That's why I don't want to say good bye. Instead, I will say, see you later folks!


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