Conflicted Thoughts

I live in grey area. It's not that I'm bad, but I'm not that great either. I tend to be a person in 'standard/default mode'. To be honest, I am a person who often trapped in the middle of stagnancy. I tend to stop and not finishing the things I've been working on if I find it less interesting. I am a person with lack of consistency. There I said it.

I try to change that mindset. I try to manage myself in order to be a better person. And I think the only thing I can do is work harder and (try to) be persistent. But in the end I always ask myself "Will I able to survive with this lack of talent?". That's the mystery.

Someone said to me that actually smart people didn't exist, there is only diligent people with a little bit talent and talented people who has lack of motivation. That person also said to me, brain without discipline is such a waste. What a motivation for me. But....

A sound in my heart says I could survive. The other says I won't.

For you my dearest pals who read this post, shortly after you read I bet you'll think about "what the hell this person doing?" and I guess some of you will think that I'm insane. But I beg for your pardon pals, actually this conflicted thoughts have already hanging on my mind since ages ago and the best thing to do for me is writing all these conflicted thoughts in this blog.

Hopefully I can untangle this tangled rope.